Learn How to Defend America from Missiles!


Phyllis Schlafly’s Eagle Forum is offering such a deal. In an e-mail today, the far-right group is pitching the “How to Take Back America Conference” in St. Louis later this month. “Space is extremely limited” at the conference’s hotel, we’re told. But despite the apparent high interest, Eagle Forum is keeping the “early bird conference rate” for registration. That’s right! Register now and save $20 off the regular registration! Well, where’s that check book???

The conference will feature a variety of entertaining far-right fanatics, including Rick Scarborough of Texas-based Vision America and Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., who can’t seem to let a day go by without saying something absurdly creepy.

But the conference will also offer “more than 20 exciting workshops” for activists angry about the Marxists Socialists Fascists Nazis really, really bad people who won the November elections, including:

  • “How to defend America vs. missile attack” (Will this be a hands-on workshop? Should activists bring their own personal Patriot anti-missile batteries?)
  • “How to recognize living under Nazis and communists” (Hint: It’s when anyone who disagrees with you gets elected.)
  • “How to deal with supremacist judges”
  • “How to stop socialism in health care”
  • “How to activate your church” (Are you really surprised there would be a workshop on how to drag churches into partisan politics?)
  • “How to counter the homosexual movement”
  • “How to understand Islam” (Oh, this should be really interesting.)
  • “How to deal with vote fraud, the Census, and ACORN”
  • “Hot to stop the killings: pro-life solutions” (Will this include how to stop the killing of doctors? We ask, you decide.)

Well, sign us up!


4 Responses to “Learn How to Defend America from Missiles!”

  1. Science Teacher Says:

    I can’t go.

    I think I need to wash my hair during that time…..

  2. Charles Says:

    Me too. I’ll bring the shampoo.

  3. Phil Says:

    Will conference attendees receive a complimentary tin foil hat? Or should we bring our own?

  4. Lane Says:

    I wonder what the response would be if I peaceably demonstrated my right to bear arms by walking the convention floor with an assault rifle?

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